PMS: Pre-Mother Syndrome

I think I’ve gone past “hormonal” and now have moved into a new phase coined by my dad as “PMS: Pre-Mother Syndrome.” I think the difference is that when I was hormonal I could kind of reel it in when I needed to, you know,  out in public and at perfect strangers and save it for my husband and family members. Now, I’m PMSing so much that I can’t even hold back my emotions in front of other people. This is one good reason  I work from home because I would seriously have an “Office Space” moment if anyone even looked at my stapler.

The way I found out that I transitioned from weepy hormonal pregnant woman to a raging PMS bitchy pregnant woman was today when I went to two of the most stressful places I could go to on a Saturday, David’s Bridal and Whole Foods. I can’t even get into Whole Foods right now because that is such a first world problem and I will sound like a complete and utter snob if I start a rant about how I couldn’t get my organic produce in a sufficient amount of time. So, I digress.

David’s Bridal, however, is another story. I stopped there on the way home from our 5 hour baby class. Oddly enough, kept it together during that entire baby class even sitting near the annoying girl that asks questions just to ask questions, (you know the kind)  and then doesn’t listen to the answer. Not annoying at all. I would love to be the nurse in her room during labor. This is neither here nor there. So, after three emails and two phone calls from David’s Bridal basically yelling at me to come get my dress since “they don’t like to keep dresses there for more than 14 days” I figured that I'd head on down there since I would already be in that general direction. When I get there they are re-doing the entire parking lot making me park what seemed at least a half a mile away. This was awesome, especially as I started to have Braxton Hicks contractions during my journey to the store.

When I finally got to DB and went to the desk to ask for my dress the girl at the front collected all my information about myself as well as the bride (my sister) and said “oh, sorry, you aren’t in the system.”  And then tries to help the customer behind me. Ummm, cool. That makes a lot of sense since I ordered my dress here and then it came in as stated by your obnoxious phone calls and emails. When I asked her to check again she had the nerve to give me attitude! Long story short, for most of you that know me, you know that I hate rocking the boat and I don’t normally raise my voice at perfect strangers but this was this DB’s consultant’s unlucky day. After her 3^rd attempt of trying to  find me with no success I yelled, “I am 9 months pregnant, I drove 40 minutes to get here because you told me that it came so I have no idea how I am not possibly in your system.” After scaring the living crap out of this unsuspecting girl a manager made their way over and oddly enough after 10 seconds of checking the system, found me.

I’m not saying that DB is a bad place to go for your wedding needs but this was just not my day and the consultant had the IQ of “Honey Boo-Boo.” So, I’m happy that the day ended well in the sense that I have my dress and I won’t have to put in Avery’s baby book the article of my arrest for assaulting a DB “Consultant” at 9 months pregnant.