Movements, Mishaps and Motherhood

If I wasn’t sure before, I’m completely aware now that my body is no longer my own. I have absolutely zero control of what’s occurring and that drives me a little insane at times. The good news about this is that every day is a surprise whether it is good or bad. I’ve experienced both over the past weekend.

The good news is, is that I’m finally feeling the baby move! It’s hard to tell considering that it is standard for a pregnant women’s body to be just one big gas bubble and your assumption that anything going on from your neck down is probably a gas related issue. But, after reading all the baby books I kind of knew what I needed to look for. So over the weekend I could feel popping in my belly which I knew had to be the baby. This is somewhat terrifying as you can feel the baby moving for a grand total of 5 seconds and then may not feel it again for another day. I never thought being pregnant would be so stressful but it really is. No matter how many times you say to a first time mom “it’s going to be OK” it will not be OK until we get to our next appointment and hear that heartbeat.

On to the mishap that occurred over the weekend. The moment that I truly knew that my body was no longer my own was the moment in which I sneezed and simultaneously peed in my PJ pants. No, not the cute, “oh I laughed so hard with my friends, I peed a little” (This is assuming not only my friends urinate in their pants while laughing) But regardless this was not it. Stunned and mortified, I ran to the home office to tell my husband of the awful and traumatizing moment. He consoled me though made sure not to hug too tight or too closely. I ran and grabbed my phone to call my mom. I will note at this time that I did manage to change my pants in the middle of all of this. After my mom finished laughing at me, she let me know that everything was going to be “OK” and to expect this to happen even more so after the baby is born. On that reassuring note, I was able to calm myself down and get into bed.

There is a saying that women become mothers at conception and men become fathers at birth. I don’t believe that this was true for me. I felt like a mom in the sense that from day one, I’ve been worrying all the time and I want my baby to be healthy, yada yada yada... However, this weekend was the moment in which I felt like an actual mother. I don’t know why, but I do. The fact that it all became very “real” in just a single moment may have done it. Now I feel like I’m actually in the “club”.  It just took a little pee in a pair of snowmen PJ pants to help me to get to that point.